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  To J.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Most of these pieces had earlier incarnations; my thanks to the editors who helped shape the ideas and writing the first time around: “Scumbag,” Joy Press (Village Voice); “Con Man,” Chuck Kleinhans and Julia Lesage (Jump Cut); “Trespasser,” David O’Neill (Bookforum); “Juicers” and “Cheaters,” John Swansburg (Slate); “Lothario” and “Gropers,” Meghan O’Rourke (Slate); “Victim” and “Humiliation,” Michael Miller (Bookforum); “Critic,” Ann Hulbert (Slate); “Hillary,” Amy Grace Lloyd (Playboy); “Women Who Hate…,” Jennifer Szalai (Harper’s).

  Many thanks to Jacob Weisberg, who first enlisted me at Slate, which was a great stomping ground and a place to experiment with ideas. Thanks also to my agent, PJ Mark, and to Connor Guy at Metropolitan for his careful readings and attentions. To my fabulous editor, Sara Bershtel: words (and grammar) fail me, or are at least totally inadequate to convey my gratitude, which extends far beyond the stuff on the page. And thank you to Jim Livingston, for being brilliant, unstinting, and a sweetheart.

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  PREFACE: Regarding Men

  I. OPERATORS

  The Scumbag

  The Con Man

  The Trespasser

  Juicers

  II. NEUROTICS

  The Victim

  The Lothario

  Humiliation Artists

  The Manly Man

  III. SEX FIENDS

  Gropers

  Cheaters

  Self-Deceivers

  IV. HATERS

  The Critic

  Men Who Hate Hillary

  Women Who Hate Men

  CODA

  Also by Laura Kipnis

  About the Author

  Copyright

  PREFACE

  Regarding Men

  Men have fascinated me, maybe too much. They’ve troubled me. They’re large and take up a lot of space—space in the imagination, I mean. They force you to think about them. A daddy’s girl who grew into a wayward woman, I wasn’t that surprised to find, when I started rummaging around in the essays and criticism I’d written over the last fifteen or so years, that it wasn’t the random, unsystematic tangle I’d recalled; instead a lot of it seemed to cluster around the subject of … men.

  What are men to me? Rereading led to rethinking, which led to rewriting—it was like taking a cross-country trip to look up old husbands and boyfriends, then setting up housekeeping with a different one every few weeks: getting to say all the things you wish you’d said years ago, admit where you’d been wrong, maybe be a bit more generous (or in some cases, less). They were a pretty motley lot, as you’ll see—politicians, pornographers, writers, jocks.… Some were slobs, some big loverboys, a few were complete shits. It was odd to realize what a different person I’d been with each of them—this one brings out your funny side, this one you’re so uninhibited with, this one you could never stop judging and correcting. Writing about someone is a kind of intimacy, after all: as in any relationship there’s a lot of projection. It goes without saying that we make other people up according to our own necessities and imaginative horizons, writers no less than spouses, nonfiction writers no less than novelists. What strikes me most about these essays is my covert envy of men, including the ones I would also like to thrash and dismember. Men have always wrested more freedom from the world and I envy that, even when it’s a stupid kind of freedom.

  Obviously I’m not the only writer in the world preoccupied with men; it’s been one of those big literary subjects, most of the time for men themselves. Take Martin Amis, who’s said that the most persistent theme in his work is masculinity and opens his own collected essays with a certain mordancy on the subject. Amis is particularly attuned to the specimen he names the New Man, whose appearance he dates from 1970 or so. What’s new about this New Man? He makes “all kinds of fresh claims on everyone’s attention,” says Amis. “Male wounds. Male rights. Male grandeur. Male whimpers of neglect.”

  No doubt I like this formulation because it weaves my own fascinations into the tenor of our times: I’ve been writing about men because they forced themselves on my attention. I was walking down the street minding my own business and they grabbed me from behind, Your Honor. Though what’s actually most new in Amis’s account of the New Man is his self-irony about these masculine travails. When you contemplate the old literary emblems of manhood, they’re not exactly insouciant on the subject of male wounds. In the lacking-insouciance camp—and I’ve lately been rereading many of the bigger guns—Hemingway probably comes first to mind, a writer whose every sentence was scaffolded by such masculine angst he’d be a flattened heap without it; self-irony would be tantamount to yanking out his own vertebrae. In this lineage, the perennially embattled Mailer vies for another top berth, someone else who writes as though castration really was an ongoing threat and not just something invented by Freud. Though unlike Hemingway he could also be quite funny on such fates, antic even: perversely energized by the idea that women wanted to take his pen away, as bemused by the role of phallic avenger as he was committed to it. In the notorious Town Hall debate about women’s liberation in 1971, Cynthia Ozick brought down the house by asking Mailer from the audience, “In Advertisements for Myself, you said, ‘A good novelist can do without everything but the remnants of his balls.’ For years and years I’ve been wondering, Mr. Mailer, when you dip your balls in ink, what color ink is it?” Mailer graciously concedes the round to Ozick, adding that if he doesn’t find an answer in a hurry he’ll have to agree the color is yellow.

  A lot of women find these phallocratic divas insufferable: they take the bluster to heart, or just think them buffoons (Mailer especially suffers this fate—short pugnacious men are easy to mock). But I’ve always felt more complicated about it. When Mailer pauses in the scabrously hilarious Prisoner of Sex to remark of his feminist critics that the best women writers write like tough faggots (he meant it as a compliment), I know I should be stamping my foot along with other offended parties, but I shriek with delight every time I read the sentence. It vibrates with such anxiety, and Mailer wrests such bounty from the condition, he achieves a sort of sublimity.

  Of course, it can escape no one’s attention that there are as many complaints from women about the New Man as there were about his predecessors: the updated versions of male panic are no less irksome than the old. Today’s male is listless, it’s said—emotionally paralyzed, indecisive, and insufficiently libidinal, on and off the page. The lack of libido is particularly insulting: male desire may have been a little scummy in its heyday, but if it’s on the way out, that would not be exactly satisfactory either. Novelist Benjamin Kunkel, a kingpin of the younger ranks, advises women to go on sexual strike as a protest against male apathy, but … wouldn’t this be redundant?

  In any case, the inevitability of an ongoing mismatch between the sexes is apparently our little tragicomedy to endure, though on the plus side, it makes the other sex so much more alluring. The capacity to be disappointed by someone confers on them a special emotional force, at least as much as being merely gratified. It’s an enduring bond. However, my sorties with the natives lead me to suspect that the general advancement from old-style masculine angst to the self-ironies of the New Man has been a lot more jagged than Amis’s insouciance or Kunkel’s amiability let on. It’s those jagged
edges—where irony fails and male melodrama begins—that these pieces chronicle.

  Something about the poetics of masculine panic, old school and new, just draws me in; these transits between anxiety and excess yank on something similar in my own makeup, I guess. It intrigues me, in a voyeuristic, overly avid way. We’ve heard a lot over the years about men objectifying women; I offer myself as illustration of the distaff case. But it would be a pretty diminished imaginative life if we were constrained to identify with one gender alone, wouldn’t it? I recall once saying in a semi-drunken state to a badly behaved male writer of my acquaintance: “I never know with guys like you, if I want to fuck you, or be you”—which pretty much sums up the situation of a female writer writing about men, I think. By situation, I mean the elasticity of fellow-feeling that stretches to accommodate jealousy, longing, affinity, antagonism, erotics, and every stop in between.

  But fellow-feeling aside, men are still a foreign country. The existence of two sexes is the most routine, banal fact of being alive (some would say more than two—not everyone’s so easily assignable)—though it’s also completely weird. I’m not one of those people who believe in built-in gender differences—that men are rational and women emotional, or other variants on the theme: that way lies cliché. No doubt having different bodies gives us different experiences in the world. But every society in history has also invented a different list of differences between the sexes, and which trait is assigned to which side of the divide keeps changing. Sometimes men are the lusty ones, sometimes women; sometimes men are practical, sometimes it’s women, and so on. So a dearth of sweeping theories about the differences between the sexes will be found in the pages ahead (even though I know there’s a thriving market for them). But the existence of an “opposite sex” is still pretty riveting—who are these bizarre creatures? These others? Masculinity may be a role, but it’s no less exotic when you know that.

  If the question I should also be addressing in this preface is “Why these particular men?”—why these particular operators, neurotics, sex fiends, and haters (the categories my subjects conveniently grouped themselves into)—it strikes me, rereading these essays, that I keep coming back to a certain kind of man in an involuntary way, like a dog picking up high-pitched whistles. The book is full of disreputable characters: unruly, often a little morally shady. They’ve stepped out of line, or crossed one, in ways large and small; their relations with women are problematic; there’s a lot of emotional chaos and failed self-knowledge on display. There are a few writers who, like me, grapple with their own dubious attractions and repulsions, or are felled by ambition. (There are a few women too, whose relations to men are also especially vexed in some way or other.) As to whether this is a ledger of attractions, aversions, or alter egos, I can only say: all of the above.

  So who are these guys to me? “You should of course find the kind of writing in which your pliancy is greatest and your imagination freest,” Saul Bellow advises in a letter to someone, and it must be the case that writing about rogues and reprobates made me feel more pliant and unleashed than other available subjects. In the famous Aristophanes tale about love, we’re all just severed remnants of our original selves, rummaging among the fragments of other humans for the parts that will make us whole. I suspect it works in a similar way with writers and what they write about. Without vicariousness, without these clashes of attraction and disavowal, would there even be words to put on the page? We’re trying to find ourselves in our subjects, or to reconcile with what’s missing, even if it’s always some version of mistaken identity in the end.

  If men writing about manhood are preoccupied with loss—forestalling it, assuaging it, forever dancing around the subject—I suspect that for a woman writing about manhood, it’s more of a gain: potency, a bit of lead in your pencil. After all, it’s not like women don’t have phallic aspirations too! Meaning that at least from the throne of your keyboard, you can be the one in the driver’s seat, you can be the penetrator for a change—I’m speaking symbolically, don’t worry—penetrating your subjects with shrewdness and insight, worming your way into their tender psyches, taking unoffered liberties.… What I’m saying is that beneath our pleasant façades, women’s attitudes toward men are just as rapacious and primitive as the most notorious emblems of hardcase masculinity around. We’ve just been politer about expressing it—eternally polite. Some have tried to argue, on this basis, that women are possessed of better moral character, but I strongly doubt it. Or I hope not, anyway.

  No, the predacious drives and motives are just more submerged. It’s what we’d prefer not to know about ourselves that I’m trying to speak of here. As with Hemingway’s notorious manslayer shrew-wife Margot, in “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber,” who accidentally-on-purpose mows down her husband with a big game rifle at the exact moment he finally displays the sort of manliness she’d been mocking him for not having, sometimes your own agenda can come as a nasty surprise.

  A writer looking back at a body of work is in a similar position to Margot. Some poor bastard is lying gutshot in the dirt, but your intentions were perfectly scrupulous. (Really.) You find themes and connections that are as impossible to ignore as someone pounding on your forehead with a ball-peen hammer, but it wasn’t you who put them there. (Except that … maybe—unconsciously—you did.) Having previously written a rather conflicted book on the travails of femininity (The Female Thing), I realized only when I got to the end of it that this one is a sort of companion volume. The not-always-salutary ways that men and women figure in each other’s imaginations is a theme in both books. Women take men too seriously and not seriously enough, a bipolar condition you’ll no doubt find reflected in the chapters that follow. In other words, please don’t think I’m offering myself up as some model of progressive or enlightened thinking on the subject of male–female relations—it’s probably more like the reverse.

  But does a woman writer whose subject is men want to park her buggy only on the enlightened side of the street? Which would mean what? Spending your time protesting that male novelists get more review space than chick lit writers (a recent complaint), or that their characters say dubious things about women and their books don’t “get us” (ongoing complaints), and so on? What a boring path to the Promised Land of gender parity that would be. Personally, I’d hate to think that feminism means reforming anyone’s weird retrograde identifications or curbing the rapaciousness of fantasy life.

  Suffragette or cannibal? I say far better to devour your opponents in a gluttonous frenzy than be fated to earnestness and rebuke-issuing, and the deadly security of what you already know. Introject! Eat them alive! Chew slowly; savor those alarming new thoughts.

  I

  OPERATORS

  The Scumbag

  I met Hustler magazine’s obstreperous redneck publisher Larry Flynt twice, the first time before he started believing all the hype about himself and the second time after. By hype, I mean the uplifting stuff floated in Milos Forman’s mushily liberal biopic, The People vs. Larry Flynt, and dutifully parroted in the media coverage—that Flynt isn’t just a scumbag pornographer, he’s also some big First Amendment hero. I liked him better as a scumbag pornographer, though I realize this could be construed as its own form of perversity. Nevertheless, I had a certain investment in protecting my version of Flynt against Forman’s encroachments, though, as anyone can see, I was severely outgunned in this match.

  The reason we’d met in the first place was that I’d written an ambivalently admiring essay about Flynt and Hustler, which the ghostwriter of his autobiography had come across and passed on to Larry, and which he’d apparently admired in turn. The ghostwriter contacted me. I was invited to drop in on Larry the next time I was in Los Angeles, and as it happened, I had plans to be there the following month. A meeting was thus arranged. If I said that getting together for a chat with Larry Flynt was an unanticipated turn of events, this would be a vast understatement. The whole reason I’d written abo
ut him so freely was that I never expected to face him in person and could therefore imagine him in ways that gratified my conception of who he should be: a white trash savant imbued with junkyard political savvy. In truth, I found the magazine completely disgusting—as I was meant to, obviously: it had long been the most reviled instance of mass-circulation pornography around and used people like me (shame-ridden bourgeois feminists and other elites) for target practice, with excremental grossness among its weapons of choice. It was also particularly nasty to academics who in its imagination are invariably prissy and uptight—sadly I’m one of this breed too. (A cartoon academic to his wife: “Eat your pussy? You forget, Gladys, I have a Ph.D.”)1

  Maybe I yearned to be rescued from my primness, though Flynt was obviously no one’s idea of a white knight. (Of course, being attracted to what you’re also repelled by is not exactly unknown in human history.) For some reason, I tend to be drawn to excess: to men who laugh too loud and drink too much, who are temperamentally and romantically immoderate, have off-kilter politics and ideas. Aside from that, it also happened that in the period during which my ideas about things were being formed, the bawdy French satirist Rabelais was enjoying an intellectual revival in my sorts of circles, along with the idea of the “carnivalesque”: the realm of subversion and sacrilege—the grotesque, the unruly, the profane—where the lower bodily stratum and everything that emerges from it is celebrated for supposedly subverting established pieties and hierarchies.

  I was intrigued by these kinds of ideas, despite—or more likely because of—my aforementioned primness. Contemplating where one might locate these carnivalesque impulses in our own time I’d immediately thought of Hustler, even though back then I had only the vaguest idea what bodily abhorrences awaited me within its shrink-wrapped covers (as if a thin sheet of plastic were sufficient to prevent seepage from the filth within). In fact, the first time I peeled away the protective casing and tried to actually read a copy, I was so disgusted I threw it away, I didn’t even want it in the house.